2010

The year 2010 is coming to an end, just a few hours left, 2010 was a good year for me.

I started this blog, supposed to be about skiing, races and training, but up to now it’s more of a rehab blog. Yes, picking the low of 2010 isn’t hard it was breaking my ankle, with the highlights on the other hand I have a lot more choice.

You can’t pick the cards you get, it’s how you play them what matters.

January

I started out 2010 in Sestriere Italy, skiing with my family. I had just started skiing again in October and this vacation was a test for me to see if I was able to ski a whole day standing, since my leg is pretty weak. If it didn’t work out, I would switch to mono-skiing, but it did work out. It was an amazing ski trip, my first ski trip in years and I enjoyed every minute of it.

I only had to cut the first day short; all the other days I skied the whole day without problems with my leg. So decision made I am going in to the standing category.

A week later I had a training weekend with the cycling team at Papendal (national Olympic training centre) there was a lot of snow so no cycling that weekend. We trained core and strength but other than that we pretty much had a lot of fun with each other; it was just the kick off weekend of the season.

And I started my first slalom training, I joined the ski club Snowsports Academy Racing again to have some extra training besides the training with the talent group of the Dutch ski federation.

February

In February was the team presentation of the paralympic team for Vancouver. I (and the rest of the talent group) was invited to come to this presentation and to ski together with the national selection para-skiing. It was the first time I met the team and the coach.

at a party with friends

March

In march I had a training camp with the cycling team at Mallorca, Spain.

These ended up to be my last weeks handcycling…..

A lot of cycling, swimming, core stability training on the beach and in the evening we had a good time with the whole group.

We had great weather with a lot of sun and nice temperatures, I even swam in the ocean on the last day.

During the second week my shoulder started to bother me more and more, it hurted and I lost the strength in my arm. I was able to tough it out up to the very last day of the camp, that day we practiced time trials and I was near passing the person in front of me but my shoulder just gave up.

My hand slid of the crank and the power was gone for a while.

April

Back at home I went to see the orthopedic surgeon he ordered an MRI, the joint was irritated and there was a torn in the rotator cuff but that was older, and started to heal. (my shoulder had bothered me before) The problem was that anatomically speaking my shoulder doesn’t fit perfectly, there is too much space and because of that a tendon gets stuck in the joint when I make a certain movement.

He could do surgery but since my shoulder only bothers me while I’m handcycling it isn’t worth the risk. Off course the doc advised me to quit and since I love skiing more and I really didn’t want surgery for something that doesn’t give any problems other then while handcycling, I knew what to do. In the mean time I made it to the pre selection for a worldcup paracycling, so it gave some doubts, but I ended up doing what’s best and quit handcycling.

Top End force K handbike is now for sale, for more information see http://www.tweedehands.nl/fietsen/fietsen/overige-fietsen/handbike-topend-force-k-75502980.html

Skiing was going very well and I had made some good progress over the last few months. In april I was forerunner at a club skirace (regular club ski race) in Snowworld. After this race I decided I was ready to enter the club skirace circuit to get some experience for the races next season.

with friends from the ski club

May

In May I was back ski racing in the club circuit, these races are late in the season because the indoor ski-domes don’t have enough space during the winter.

Both races I ended up on the podium, two times a second place.

June

In the beginning of June was the last race and I got another second place.

One week later, June 12^th, was a training with the talent group and the national team.

I did good in the training, showed the progress I made in my skiing with the extra ski training and physical training I had done.

I got invited together with Thomas to train with the national team over the summer and a training camp in the pre season as part of the development program.

My brother graduated from high school in June.

with friends at a birthday dinner

July

In the beginning of July I had a club training with the ski club, the last training before the summer where everybody dresses up as something or someone.

I had classes and tests for med school up to the end of July, by that point I really needed a break. I went to my mom’s place to spend the summer in Arnhem, because Papendal is in Arnhem and I had a weekly physical training with the ski team at Papendal.

August

In August it was time to get back on the ski’s we had 2 day training camps with the national team in Landgraaf, every other week. I was looking forward for these training days.

I skied good, made some improvements and I enjoyed these days a lot.

During the third little camp I crashed and injured my ankle see the post crashing, didn’t know what the problem was at the time. So I trained the next day like there was no problem with my ankle. And I started this blog in August, at first I wanted to start a website but I didn’t feel I was ready for a website yet so I decided to go for a blog. And I like the blogging, it’s like a diary for me and it’s great to be able to look back.

September

September 1st was the day after my big crash and all though my ankle was bothering me I was able to ski. When I tried to ski a week later I wasn’t able to ski. I went to see the physiotherapist, she didn’t trust it so she called a doctor and they arranged for a MRI a week later. September 13 was my first day back in school after the summer and September 14 I had the MRI and heard I had badly fractured my ankle. 

I had an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon in the AMC at September 16 and he told me that I needed surgery and I was planned for September 20.

I stayed in the hospital for four days and after that the healing process started (see post surgery and the hospital about that). So I missed the first course which was called posture and movement, this wasn’t too bad. Since I had already taken a similar course and passed the test when I was studying human movement science I didn’t had to take the course and got the points anyway. My brother moved to Leiden in September to study History at the university of Leiden, now the 3 of us live in Leiden.

October

October was pretty much a healing month. I went to physiotherapy and did some exercises at home but other than that I took a lot of rest en had my foot up high almost all the time. I went back to school at the start of the new course, trauma, exactly 14 days after surgery. 

With all the time resting I had a lot of study time so I scored very good at my test, best of my class with a 9. In October was the training camp with the ski team I was invited for,  missing that was a bummer, but there will be other camps in the new year.

November

November 1^st my cast was removed and I got a boot called a walker to immobilize my ankle. The stupid thing didn’t work, I went back to the hospital one of my screws had moved and could break out, because that fracture wasn’t stable, so I got another cast. 

I thought it was a setback because I had started doing some exercises with my ankle, but in the end it was for the best off course.  I got classified in November, got class LW4, I can ski international now I’m on the eligible list. The IPCAS race in snowworld Landgraaf was in November and I was really disappointed that I couldn’t race. But I went and watched the races the second day and that was a lot of fun, the organization was good, the women and men standing category was won by Dutch racers both days.

December

With December came the first snow, it was beautiful but most people where complaining, trains were not working and all the highways were full of traffic jams, this country can’t deal with snow… My cast was removed in December for real this time.

And December is a party month, with a lot of birthdays in my family (and mine), Christmas, Sinterklaas and off course tonight new years eve.

My rehab started and I'm doing good, I’m really happy with my progress besides the ankle rehab I’m learning the technique to walk better than before. And I got my new orthosis which allows me to walk better as well.

Back on my feet and ready for 2011!

So all in all 2010 was a good year for me. Breaking my ankle was a big bummer but like with everything it has a benefit. Now I’m forced to do rehab again and I can make up for my earlier rehab in which I didn't learn how to walk quite well, and in the end it will leave me stronger again.

I’m looking forward to 2011, hopefully start to ski again soon, I don’t know what 2011 will bring but hey I’m up for the surprises of the future!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Balance

Everything is about balance nowadays, a lot of balance exercisies with my right leg, but with other stuff you have to find balance as well.

Christmas for instance, my parents got a divorce over the summer and now we (the kids) have to make sure they both get to see us for Christmas, luckily we have two days in the Netherlands. And it turned out good, I had a great Christmas.

Christmas eve I spend at ‘home’ (the house I grew up in), with my mom and brother Reinout we had a very nice dinner an played games. My sister Barbara was spending Christmas in Switzerland with her boyfriend visiting his parents.

Christmas day I went for a walk in the park with my mom and dog, Bounty, my first walk in the park since I broke my ankle. I was so happy my walking is good enough again!

 That night we went to my uncle in Belgium for dinner, he is such a great cook! And I had a very good time. On our way home it started snowing, it was hard to see the road. It took a bit longer but we got home safe, my brother did a good job driving.

The second day of Christmas Reinout, Bounty and I went to our dad. We went sledding and had a lot of fun.

kids with their sleds behind a car

The up side of a recently broken leg, don't have to walk home ;-)

After that we went to my dad’s place and played some games. We played with the Nintendo wii a ski game with the balance board, for the ‘real’ feeling, yeah right… Reinout thought the whole balance board thing made the game to hard for him, he lost from the computer and I won from it. So he ended up playing the game without the balance board, sitting on the couch like it’s supposed to he said.

Monday it was time to go to the physio again. It was a good session and I worked hard, still a lot to do though. When I was in rehab for my leg, it was pretty much a wheelchair rehab. Most of the work for learning how to walk again I did myself and all though it’s functional, there is a total lack of technique. So I’m learning that as well now, I need to do it because otherwise I will get problems with my back and hip. And it’s good for my skiing as well, I need to do a lot of balancing on one leg, the weak one, I’m really unstable now but I’m getting better. And I’m training hard on the hip function I have left. By the end of the balance training I need to be able to jump in a trampoline with my weak leg and keep standing, by that point I get cleared for skiing, long way to go. But this means I will come back a lot stronger. The last time I started skiing again I just did it, on the way I got stronger and better. So my training schedule is getting bigger, I trained in the gym yesterday and I was pretty tired, finally back to serious business.

I had another physio session today, my physio was again happy with my progress, she could see I had trained hard on the exercises. Today I made my first small (very small) jump on my right leg. I was stepping on and off a Step sideways and catching a ball the same time, so I made a small jump, my ankle didn’t hurt and I didn’t fell!

After physio I went to the orthopedic technician that made my new orthosis. My leg still was pretty swollen so at first the orthosis didn’t fit but he took some of the padding out and he will put it back when my leg is back to normal. With these things there will always be things you want to change before it’s perfect. My ski orthosis is making some progress as well, I left my ski-boot because the orthosis will be integrated with the boot. The new orthosis is pretty good, I still have to get used to it but I feel more stable while walking and standing.

Merry Christmas

Happy holidays everybody!

I'm spending the holidays at my mom's place in Arnhem.

I haven't been here since the beginning of september so I missed my dog and cat.

Playing in the snow with my dog Bounty, he loves it!

I had my last test today and now I have a week off, just what I needed.

Step by step

I bounce back pretty quickly while my recovery seems to be slow at first. I did that after I got my disability, although I didn’t know that at the time, it took a while before I knew what the problem with my leg was. So looking back I bounced back!

And it happened again! After 13 weeks in a cast and no walking (except for a couple of days with the boot but that was hard and hardly possible so it doesn’t count) I was allowed to walk again last Thursday and you would think it might took a couple of days before I got the hang of it. It didn’t I was able to walk without crutches the same night! Yes I bounced back quick. And my walking is getting better step by step! In my house I walk without crutches and outside with crutches because it’s easier with longer distances and it’s safer with all the snow.

Because there is a lot, again.

I went to the physio today and she was very happy with my progress over the weekend. We did some balance exercises for my leg and I got better in the 10 times I tried a specific exercise. After that my walking was better as well. I’m very happy with my recovery right now, finally I can do something, with the cast it was just waiting.

I did some balance exercises at home the wii with the balance board is a great tool and makes it fun. Although it is not very encouraging because he keeps saying me my balance is bad, but I got ‘amateur’ today an improvement. After the exercises I iced my ankle to help the swelling go down.

And I went for my final fitting of my new orthosis today, it’s a good one! With my old one it feels like my leg is hanging in the orthosis sometimes and this one supports my leg. Gives me more balance while standing (on one leg) and walking. One little problem was my ‘cankle’, it was swollen too much to fit properly in the orthosis. So I got a compression stocking to help the swelling go down, I feel like a granny now, but if it helps I’m glad. Next week I get my new orthosis and they are going to do some fitting for my ski orthosis next week as well.

Had a lot of fun celebrating my birthday with my friends Friday.

It´s my party

4th birthday

25 years ago, time flies!

Yesterday was my birthday, I had a great day with my family and friends.

We went out for dinner and after that I went out with my cousin and a good friend.

And yesterday was my cast removed!

The doctor was very happy with his handy work and so am I. Got control X-rays and everything looks good. 

MRI of the Tillaux fracture 

MRI weber B fracture

All fixed up with hardware and ready to go, ankle version 2.0!

Thanks doc!

So let’s build back! I can walk again even without crutches but for building back starting with crutches is better. My walking is still a bit unstable, which isn’t strange after 13 weeks in a cast, after a few steps I get better.

And the good thing it doesn’t hurt (much)! On the other hand my ankle was pretty swollen last night (and this morning) I would say it looks like a ‘cankle’ only my calf is actually slimmer then my ankle…

The doctor thinks he can clear my for skiing in 6 weeks! yes that was good news.

But he said you have to promise me to take it easy, but if you don’t and you re-fracture it I’ll fix it again. People really trust me….not. Thanks but no thanks I plan on staying healthy.

But if I ever injure a limb again I’m happy to go back to him, he is a great surgeon!

We talked about why I broke my ankle and you can never know for sure but it probably happened because my ski binding is to heavy adjusted, I need that for my left leg since that leg is pretty strong. But my right leg isn’t, so I’m going to ski with 2 different bindings to make sure my boot get’s released when necessary.

It started snowing over here again so I had some slow traffic on my way home, it took me almost 2 hours to drive 53 km, crazy. When I got home all my guest had allready arrived before me, made a good entrance though.

Tonight I’m going to celebrate my birthday with my sorority and after that back to normal, studying have a test on Friday and train, so I’m ready to ski in 6 weeks.

12 weeks post surgery

I got knocked down but I got up again!

Today marks 12 weeks since my ankle surgery a good time to evaluate.

I started dryland training in the gym a couple of weeks ago and I feel I’m getting stronger and fitter. I just got back from another good session! I’m not yet where I left off but I’m getting there, so when my ankle is ready to ski I am.

Today I was in the hospital for my lectures and I run in to my neurologist and he recognized me which is special because I wasn’t in a patient setting, more in a student setting and I only saw him once as a patient. Anyways he saw my leg and asked about it. So I told him the ‘kind of cool’ story, and he said but we determined your sense of pain is normal, you are a tough girl or should we retest?

I wasn’t in that much pain (for most of the time, see previous post) when it was broken but I was in a lot of pain the first weeks post surgery, so probably no retest necessary I just need to learn to listen to my body.

Although I think I had to much pain after surgery (I got pretty worried about that) my surgeon said it was normal and he was the one giving me the pain killers. So he knew how much I took and in how much pain I was. I’m completely drug free for a couple of weeks now, except for  the DVT injections, but they will be done soon!

The neurologist told me that it was good for a doctor to know what it’s like to be a patient. And I couldn’t agree more, but I’m done!

Because even when you know everything, being a patient is still pretty scary, and there is something as knowing too much.

Today 12 weeks ago I had surgery, I think surgery is one of the most scary things for a patient, it’s not that I was scared to die or anything, off course not. But more scared of the fact that the first moments after waking up are pretty bad and there’s nothing you can do yourself to make yourself more comfortable.

When I woke up 12 weeks ago, at first I didn’t knew where I was, I just felt this excruciating pain, I had trouble breathing and I couldn’t move. So pretty scary, he. Within in seconds probably, felt much longer, nurses where there to help me, my heart was racing because of the pain and my blood oxygen level was too low. I got some pretty sweet narcotics, helped big time, was sleepy and stoned the rest of the day, amazing. I also got some extra oxygen and they helped me in a better position in my bed. So they got my comfortable pretty quick, but those first seconds to minutes (takes time for drugs to work) are scary and the only way to know how bad it is is to have been through it.

The first weeks after surgery my body was working hard on my recovery, I got a (as it turned out meaningless) fever, was in pain and slept a lot. But I also got back in school within two weeks and passed my tests. I was determined to spend my time being injured useful so I decided I would do good in school not just passing my test but really know all there was to know. I did that with trauma, finished that test best of my class! Still think I would be a good trauma surgeon, maybe I can compensate my limp with my skills?

After trauma the more boring classes started so I went back to just trying to pass, got a 7 (out of 10) in my last one though. Yes I’ve been a model student with all my extra time ;-)

After six weeks I was allowed to walk, with a walker a special boot that was supposed to immobilize my ankle just as well as a cast, but it didn’t.

The screw in my tibia (Tillaux fracture) moved a bit, it was very painful and dangerous because the screw could break out of the bone, so I was casted again, setback.

 The first international ski race in the Netherlands came and went without me competing, I was very disappointed and sad about that. Also about missing the training camp with the team in October. But I got my international classification so I can race when my ankle is healed!

Now I’m counting down the last days till I’m freed of my cast! Just 3 more nights, 3 more DVT injections, 3 more showers with my leaking cast protecting shower bag. I’ve had that bag since I had a full leg cast 3 years ago, when my kneecap dislocated all the time because there was no support of my muscles.

Don’t know when I can ski again, but I will be ready when that time comes! I need to take it easy because I really don’t want to reinjure myself!

What doesn’t kill me will make me stronger! ."Friedrich Nietzsche

One week to go...

One week to go till my birthday! And one week till they are going to cut my cast off, best birthday present ever!

In one week I will be able to start walking and that’s when the real rehabilitation begins.

And just one more week of DVT injections, oh I hate those so bad I’m bruised everywhere.

So my physio wanted to start prepping me by saying you should take it easy! Not wanting to go to fast. I agree and get why she is saying that, I’ve kind of a history with pushing my limits, it’s a good thing to push yourself so don’t get me wrong but with me the balance is a bit lost.

Today marks 12 weeks since I heard I needed surgery for my fractures, 12 weeks since I heard how bad my fractures where and 12 weeks since my leg got casted. Its 14 weeks and 2 days since I broke my ankle.

Twelve weeks ago was a bad day it felt like my world fell apart I was just getting ready for my first season back racing, this couldn’t be happening! Although I thought it was a pretty cool story, walking on a fractured ankle for 2 weeks, that sounds tough. Doctors where saying that it couldn’t be possible that I was walking and wasn’t in excruciating pain since I broke both my tibia and fibula, but I did.

It’s a cool story but I should never do something like that again!

So I fell, was down on the ground and thought ouch my leg is hurting, it was more like cramping then a big pain, so I thought I had just pulled a muscle.

And I got up, standing was no problem and by that point I was certain it couldn’t be broken.

The strange thing was that my leg was weaker than before, I’m usually able to push my boot in my ski, but how hard I tried it didn’t work. A coach from another team helped me and together with our hands we pushed my boot in. By that point my own coach had skied down to see if I was ok and I said I was. I skied down the hill at first like Bambi on the ice but by the time I was down I was confident again. Got in the chairlift with my coach and the moment I got lift off, when my ski and boot where hanging at my ankle, I got this big excruciating pain in my ankle, but I didn’t say a thing to the coach. He told me to go for at least 2 runs of free skiing and I did after that I got back in the gates for 3 more runs, well that didn’t go very good so I stopped a bit earlier a little before the others. Well getting the boot off wasn’t painless as you might imagine. After that I went to the room with Anna and while she was in the shower I took a good look at my ankle and it didn’t look good, it was swollen and even getting my socks off and on was painful. But I was sure it couldn’t be broken because I could still walk and with thinking it was just sprained I thought walking was good. When we walked back after diner Anna said I can see you are in a lot of pain, you are walking so slow, what’s wrong?

That night was bad I hardly slept because of the pain and I kept Anna awake most of the night, sorry for that, but she helped me with wet towels to cool it a bit.

So I really shouldn’t go train the next day that would have been the smartest decision, but I wanted to proof myself since it was my first summer training with the national team.

Well you might imagine how putting my boot on felt, it was pretty bad, but the pain went away pretty quick after that. My first run was again a Bambi on ice kind of run but after that I got my confidence back, even the chairlift didn’t hurt anymore. Looking back it was just like I had switched the pain off. Well in the gates I did ok but the coach said I could do much better it was like I missed some power. I don’t know how I did that but my last 2 runs where pretty good.

After the training I was walking a lot better than before and my walking got better and better over the next days.

A week after I broke my ankle I tried skiing again, but I had no control at all, so I decided not to train that night. Back inside I couldn’t get my boot off so I asked a father, who was just picking up his kid, to help, he pulled and I screamed it was that bad.

The next day I went to see the team physio and when she examined my ankle she knew something was wrong. I got a MRI scan a week later and the rest is history.

Now my ankle is almost healed again and I should work on my need to proof myself and learning how far I can push myself so I don’t reinjure myself, because injuries suck!

Snow

It started snowing this week, and it got crazy cold, yes it’s winter now.

I love the snow, it makes everything more beautiful. But now I’m doing the whole wheelchair thing and it just won’t work with snow, I get stuck.

The snow monday night

Thursday

Wheelchair

Last night

Yesterday

Today

The first couple of days, Tuesday and Wednesday, I was still able to go places by wheelchair, that changed Thursday by then I started using the car for everything and now even getting to the car is impossible, so I’m staying home :’(

Not that driving is a good idea right now, there are traffic jams everywhere and cars stuck in the snow at every traffic light.

I wanted to get snow-tires for my car but they are sold out, off course, and they don’t even take new orders, just when I had my parents convinced to pay….

And it’s cold, although less cold than earlier this week. Thursday the central heating of the whole hospital broke down, it even made the national news. We where shivering during the lectures but I guess it was worse for the patients.

I had another test on Friday and passed, general pathology, check.

Last night was my sisters birthday dinner at her place, it was a nice evening and the food was great, thanks mom. My brother had his birthday Wednesday so tomorrow we are going to celebrate with our dad, and my birthday is in 2 weeks, it's a party month.

I dropped my ankle last week and it was hurting a bit (much), so I went to the hospital on Monday to get it checked. I think my doctor was planning on killing me for sure when I told him it happened in Snowworld. Even when I told I wasn’t  skiing, I wasn’t sure if he believed me. Anyways I got a x-ray and it was good, so no worries! The doctor forbade me to use crutches or to hop for the next two weeks, mostly because I drag my foot and I dropped my foot last week while using crutches.

The x-ray showed I’m on track for walking in two weeks, can’t wait!

The pain got back after the whole dropping incident, but disappeared again over the last days. It was just bruised a bit, the doctor was talking about a bone bruise.

So I’m fine! And with all this snow skiing is on my mind all the time, impatience is definitely a weakness of mine…