Surgery and the hospital

Sunday we had a wintersports fun day for disabled kids in snowworld Zoetermeer. I didn't had to go because I'm injured and all but I thought it would be fun to see everyone and a good way to get my mind off of surgery.
It was a great day I saw a lot of happy smiling kids and I had a lot of fun with my friends from the skiteam.
We put some stickers of the dutch ski federation on my cast, we called them "with thanks to..." stickers and agreed I would leave them on for the surgeon.

Monday morning I had to be in the hospital at 6.30am. They gave me a bed and a charming hospital shirt, thing. They brought me to the operating room, I had some fun with the anesthesist, he helped me relax a bit or his drugs did, probably both. He put the iv in and the next thing I knew I was waking up again.
I hate waking up from surgery it hurts and I had trouble breathing, they gave me a bunch of pain killers in the iv and some extra oxygen after 2 hours I was ready to go back to the orthopedic ward.
The first day was kind of a blur I slept a lot and I had a morphine pump with a button I could press when ever I was in pain.

In my own pyjamas and with the big white cast

the morphine and other medicine

the 'magic' button

The next day I felt a little bit better my ankle was still verry painfull but the morphine worked and I felt I was less druged than the day before.

Tuesday it was time for some control X-rays and a new cast. The cast I got after surgery was to heavy I wasn't able to move around in  my bed I had to call for the nurses when ever I felt my leg was in the wrong position.

When I got back from the X-rays Robbert ten Brink (he is famous in the Netherlands) was in the ellevator and he had to leave for me, haha, because there's a rule that everybody has to clear the ellevator for a patient with a bed.

my X-ray, check al the metal

Getting my cast off

the scar it aint pretty

I got a new pink cast but that one was to tight so the nurses had to cut it open at night.

facebook! got to update my status

The next day, wednesday, I was suposed to go home. But I needed a new cast, I wasnt alowed to get out of bed without a proper cast, I hadn't left my bed since surgery!

In the afternoon I got a new cast but getting the old one off hurted big time and I was forced to press the morphine button a lot! That said I couldn't go home, because of the pain and the swelling, that is a big problem as well.

My sister came that night and I was alowed to get out of bed and in the wheelchair for a while. I spotted another famous dutch person in the ellevator Bram Moscovitich.

This hospital is full of surprises.

Thursday morning they took de iv out and morphine pump away and I was ready to go home. I had to wait for a couple of hours to see if the pain was manageble. I had to walk with the physio and I failed but that's no big deal I will use the wheelchair.

 motivating art in the front of my room isn't it amazing.

And in the afternoon I finaly got to go home! My first hours home alone where a bit of a strugle my leg got more swollen and I was in pain whenever I tried to do something. The doctor called and at first he wanted me to come to the ER because he thought my cast was again to tight but we decided I would go in today if it got worse. Laying in bed and on the couch is fine but getting my self some food or taking a shower is a big task. I hope it will get better in the next couple of days.

Surgery

I need surgery for my ankle fractures.

This totaly sucks!! but in the end it will be a better ankle, version 2.0!

These pictures show a bit of what it looks like but I'm not verry good with paint I'll post the X-ray later.

The fibula fracture is called Weber fracture type B, the other fracture in the tibia is the red line, something like that, it's called a Tillaux fragment, in the upper picture both fractures are red lines. Well this should give you an image of what's going on inside my ankle.

I'm at home now trying to figure everything out, I've a pink cast.

It's itching allready, that's promising I need a cast for about 12 weeks!

The surgery will take place on monday september 20th, it will be in the AMC I've to stay in the hospital at least till wednesday, I would love to have some visitors! I'm at the orthopedic ward G7 south.

After my surgery I won't be allowed to walk for 6 weeks! so my wheelchair will be my new friend.

Luckely I've such a good and light wheelchair because I've allready a disability.

Sunday will be a fun day with the skiteam, maybe scouting new adapted skiracers and showing children how much fun it is to ski! and that it's possible even with a disability.

IKEA back to school and a broken ankle

Last weekend I helped my brother move to his new room, he lives in Leiden now, just like me and our sister.

His house is just 20 metres from my house, that's great I see him a lot more often now.

Saterday we went to the IKEA and bought a lot of stuff, I wasn't sure how to get everything in my car but we managed.

my brother and sister packing the car.

Just when we thought that it worked I found out the car didn't start! which was ridiculous because I just drove it to the pick up zone.

Well we called for help and as it turned out the dynamo was broken, luckely they where able to fix it right away and we could go home with all the stuff.

On sunday we finished the room and it turned out great!

On monday it was time to get back to school, we had 4 lectures and one lecture with a patiënt, I like those a lot. In the afternoon it was time for anatomy practicalwork, in the skills lab, always funny to joke "I'm like the sixt sense I see death people". Working in the skillslab is great because it makes you feel like a real doctor in your lab coat "10 blade please", verry Grey's Anatomy, haha.

We are doing a course about the basics of orthopedics so we are watching a lot of muscles, joints and ligaments in the skillslab.

Today I had 2 lectures pharmacology and those where borring.

And in the afternoon I had the MRI scan.

Ankle update
My ankle is still pretty painfull and my walking is getting worse, real slow, I always walk slow, about half of the regular walking speed but now it's more like 25% of the regular walking speed.
I think she just passed me

Since I was walking so slow my brother and sister forced me to use a IKEA wheelchair in the IKEA, the thing was like a Hummer and I wasn't able to look around as much as I would have wanted, but it probably was for the best.

Today was my MRI scan. First I had to get undressed but when I told them I couldn't walk without my orthesis they didn't know what to do, I think they where surprised anyways they got a stretcher that could go near the MRI machine. "so we are going to scan your left ankle" "no it's my right ankle that's the one that hurts, I would know" they called for the radiologist that arranged for this scan. He told me that I had to have an MRI an ultra sound and a regular X-ray. After I was done with the MRI I was told I didn't need an ultra sound anymore but a CAT scan instead. The doctor told me that I didn't need the ultra sound because he saw the problem in the MRI, I have a BROKEN ankle! I felt like I got hit by a train, how is that even possible I've walked on it for 2 weeks, I've even skied on it in mulptiple occasions. There are 2 fractures one is a good one which will heal on it's own, but the other one is more of a problem, the fracture line goes through the joint.

I got an X-ray and the CAT scan an will learn more on thursday when I go to the orthopedic surgeon in the AMC (hospital of the uninversity of Amsterdam).

After they found out my ankle was broken I wasn't allowed to walk anymore, so they had to push me in the hospital wheelchair to my car. "Are you able to drive" they asked me and that's the good part since it is my bad leg I can still drive, because I drive with my left leg in a adapted car.

I feel a bit down now, I'm scared for the possibility of surgery since my last orthopedic surgery wasn't a succes, I know it's all verry rare but it happend! 1 in a million became 1 out of 1 for me, so I've the right to be scared!

But after all I will get my self together and let the awesomeness rule my life again!

Back at home in Leiden

I spend the summer at my mom's place in Arnhem, Arnhem is a nice city in the eastern part of the country, it is in the 'woods'. And the olympic training centre is in Arnhem. But med school starts again on monday and all my friends are back in Leiden as well so I went home last monday.
Leiden is a verry historic city whit lots of old buildings canals and Japanese tourists.

I love this city it's so beautiful and near Amsterdam and the Hague, the only downside there's no nature near just flat polders to go cycling.
I've a small studio apartment in the historical centre.

Leiden has the oldest university of the Neteherlands, since 1575, allthough there is a big university here the average IQ of this city is the lowest of the whole country and they did count the students...

                                          the academy building of the university

Last weekend I spend a day at my dad's place I tried out the new bike.

Cow's and a fox in the 'back yard'!

I went to Amsterdam yesterday, I hate driving in Amsterdam and there's no place to park even with my special parking card (disabled parkingcard). I had to go to the university over there for an official grading list, the office was closed so that was a bummer. After that I went to visit a friend in the hospital but with all the hectic with driving and parking I could only stay for 10 minutes because I had to go to the physio of the skiteam.

I had to go to the physio for my ankle injury and let's not sugar cote it I'm injured and I hate it!

Next teusday I have a MRI scan to see what the problem is and I really hope not that it is what they think it is, I'm still hoping it's just sprained.

The physio thinks I might have torned my Syndesmose, that's a small ligament between the tibia and fibula, without that the bones have room to move from each other. If that's the case I need a cast for 6 weeks but since a cast is really not in my best interest it will weaken my leg and I won't be able to walk because I can't use my orthosis, I will probably get tape instead. Because the injury is in my bad leg I'm not sure I'll regain all the muscles I'll loose with a cast.

Needless to say I feel horrible at the moment and I feel weak because I allready have an injury, we haven't even really started jet!

I haven't trained in a week now, I tried to ski tuesday but that was a mistake, I had no control over the ski at all. Tomorow I go back in the gym and do dryland training untill I'm cleared for skiing again.

The progress of the bruises in my ankle over the last week.

I went to a friend in the Hague today, I love her place it is so great and all the space she has.
Tonight I had a party in Leiden at my friend Astrid's place she is going to London to study for a year, I'll mis her!
Now I've to go to sleep (it's 0.15)! Bye!

training Snowworld september 2010

taking some rest and filling out paperwork

Since I have a small injury I decided to take a couple of days off of training in the gym, a couple of days of rest and recovery.
I hurt my ankle tuesday and with that injury I trained slalom wednesday, it wasn't to painfull, skiing was actually fine but getting off the chairlift did hurt badly. A long story short although I was able to train I wasn't at my best. I think I might have pushed my self to hard over the past weeks and that's maybe one of the reasons I'm a bit injured now.
I spend the last two and a half days back to back icing my ankle, it is still swollen, bruised and sore but everything is slowly getting better, I'm still walking on it allthough it is painfull it's the best way to keep the blood in my leg flowing since most of the muscles in my right leg don't work normaly, with the better circulation it will recover faster.
So I'm not going to the gym for a couple of days but I'm not going to chill all day I'm going to spend more time on  the bike  (low intensity cycling as recovery training) and that's just great timing!
Because my new bike arrived yesterday! and it is awsome!

Last week I had to fill out the paperwork for my IPC (international paralympic committee) ski racing licence.

And it had some funny questions...

the form started out the way you should expect.

1. type of disability: well that's obvious seeing this picture, probably something with the right leg. I ended up with this answer: muscle weakness in one leg due to ischemia.

2. city of birth: den Haag or the Hague in English
3. date of birth: december, 16, 1985
4. state/prov./territory of birth: South Holland
5. country of birth: the Netherlands


and more regular questions like that. After those questions came some interesting questions considering the purpose of the form. Maybe they want to make a database with some background information of the athletes.

1. Education: university, medical school
2. Occupation: student
3. Languages: Duth and English and tiny bits of French and German
4. preferred events and styles: maybe the speed events  but I'm not totaly sure how my leg is going to handle the g forces. This is the answer I gave: I like all events, probably GS best.
5. Debut: that's a hard question, which one?
first time on ski's when I was 2 years old

First 'race' when I was about 4 years old

And one of my last races before my leg got screwed up, the dutch nationals in 2005.

or maybe the first time I got back on my ski's? in october 2009

They probably want to know when my debut in adaptive skiracing will be: the 2010-2011 season.


6. nickname: don't have one
7. Hobbies: Hanging out with friends and shopping
8. Sporting achievements: hoping to get some this season
9. The most influential person: another hard question, probably my parents and in skiing defenitely my dad
10. Who is your hero/idol: I went for Lindsey Vonn But Canadian Lauran Woolstencroft is quite amazing as well, maybe even more, winning all 5 events in the last paralympic games in Whistler and missing two lower legs and one arm! She is retired now.
11. Opponent/Rival: Don't know jet
12. Most humorous sporting episode: Well what to choose and there only was one line to writ it down; my brother uses his helmet to protect his backpack. When he goes boarding he takes his helmet with him, but never puts it on his head.
13. sporting philosophy or motto: There are a lot of things I say and use for my self like, 'most limits are in your mind' and 'you want this so fight for it' but the best is classic what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
14. Major awards this year: starting to ski again and making such quick progress that I'm invited to train with the national adaptive skiteam.
15. other sports: cycling, I'm actually in the development team for paracycling as well I ride a regular bike and use just my left leg.
16. Ambition: for this one I used way more than just the one line, Be the best racer I can be, always trying my best, competing in the paralympic games and hoping for a medal one day but don't know jet if the last part is achievable, I'm dreaming about it!


That was the form I'm verry curious what they are going to do with all the information!

my ankle today the bruises look worse but that's just a phase before they get better.

Crashing

Two weeks ago I had my first big crash since I started skiing again. I've known its been coming for a while now. There's just no way to be involved in a sport like Alpine skiing and not experience a crash here and there. Its pretty much impossible, well ok quite possible, but you wouldn't be very good if you didn't fall down every so often. To say that you're never going to crash is like saying the sun won't rise again tomorrow, you get the point. It just ain't going to happen. It's a good thing to have had my first big crash.  The fact that I didn't immediately think about my right leg and knee is a really positive sign and I stayed so calm. To be completely honest I felt more relieved than anything. I thought to myself  "If I can survive that, I will survive anything" and really go for it now. I didnt hurt my right leg during my crash  but I did hurt my left leg, there was no real injury but I was sore for a couple of days. So even if I may have looked beaten and battered, this was a very positive experience and please don't call social services on me. This is just one more of the many challenges I will face in my road to become a paralympic ski racer.

With my first big crash out of the way I went all in on yesterdays (august 31) slalom training, my line was just to tight and my left ski hit the gate. my foot came loose out of the ski and I rolled a few meters down. I was fine no pain anywhere. I walked my way up put my ski back on and finished the training with a good feeling.

After the first training yesterday we sat in the sun for a while, it was the first day in weeks without pouring rain! Maybe we are still going to get a little bit of summer. 

After that we had our second 2 hour slalom training of the day and... I crashed again.

Same mistake my line was to tight and my ski hit the gate only this time it was my right ski I tumbled down and the first thing I knew; my leg hurts, not my knee, my knee is pretty good protected in my orthesis, after 3 crashes I know for sure! But my ankle was sore. Standing up was no problem but puting my ski back on was difficult I really had to push my boot in with my hands.

I did 2 runs of free skiing and I felt ok not great but good enough to get back in the gates.

I did 3 not so good runs of slalom and finished the training, needless to say my feeling was less positive than after my first training of the day.

My ankle is sore, a bit swollen and bruised but otherwise ok I'm able to walk on it and everything.

Today's (september 1) training wasn't my best not even near, but I guess I could have done worse, I tried and did the best I could but I was a bit passive in the gates although my last runs where better, I just missed a bit of power out of my ankle. 

Crashing is just part of the deal and you have to remember that  it's in situations such as those where there's no exit strategy, no plan B. Once you know you're going to fall you just have to grit and bear it and hope for the best. There's no sense fighting it since thats when most injuries occur. 

I know there are people thinking now "what is she doing, how stupid, taking these risks while she already has a disability", that's ok. 

I tell you this, if you really truly want something, work for it. Never give up, even if someone says you can't

"I don't know whether to be more inspired by those who tell me I can, or those who think that I can't."

We had video analysis of the first training yesterday and when I get my video I will post it so you can see how I do in the gates.


september 2; after 2 days of back to back icing my ankle still doesn't exactly look good, but I can walk on it with some wil power. In the end the results will be better if I keep walking.