Everybody should have a chance to tell their story

Yesterday I met a girl she asked me about my orthosis, I was wearing a skirt so it was visible, and about my leg. She told me she had a similar orthosis for her arm because it's paralyzed, but she didn’t wore it anymore. She told me about her accident and all the research she did about her disability, it was a nice conversation and I recognized a lot in her story. She is a swimmer but doesn’t want her upper body to become more unbalanced then it already is, her right arm is clearly a lot thinner then the left arm and she is also missing a muscle in her chest. She doesn’t like it when people notice it and stare at her. My right leg is a lot thinner then my left leg but that doesn’t bother me much because of the orthosis it isn’t visible, but I limp and that’s visible. The limping itself doesn’t bother me because I’m used to it, it doesn’t hurt and isn’t that hard, it’s just part of my walking, when I’m tired it gets worse. What does bother me is when people stare, people you can ask me but don’t stare, I can understand it if children stare. Of course there are moments that I don’t notice or don’t mind it. Last Friday night I was at a friend’s place in the Hague and when I walked back to my car I was pretty tired, had a headache and I was limping pretty bad, it was 1 am, three boys on the street thought it was funny to comment on my walking, well it wasn’t funny at all! I was tired it was a long day and sometimes things like that just get to me. What I would like to say is everybody has their story, some things are visible some things aren’t but please don’t judge, you don’t know the story.

 I have been fortunate enough to be able to tell my story to all of you via the blog. So thank you for giving me a chance to share my story with you! It was not always something I wanted to share but I have found that speaking about the surgery, the fear of not being able to use my leg and becoming a challenged athlete has empowered me more than I ever thought!

Part of me thinks that when I ski, ride my bike or work out in the university gym I am also telling my story.

On another note I found a new favorite blog http://canceratemyfoot.wordpress.com/ The adventures of a paratriathlete. This girl writes about her training in a funny and compelling way.  She also is a member of CAF (challenged athletes foundation) this year she received a grant for a running foot. I also applied for a grant for 2012, for training and it would be great if I get it. The grant could really help my skiing but it would be even more great to be a part of the CAF community, the events are in the USA so I probably won’t be able to go but I can share their story over here and tell people about the great cause of CAF. http://www.challengedathletes.org/

What have I been up to these days, well training, studying, hanging out with friends and family. December is a party month everything is nicely decorated and I have a lot of parties. Last year we had a lot of snow this year it’s warmer. I celebrated Sinterklaas 5 times this year so I have enough of (crappy)gifts to last me a year. My Brother and Sister had their birthdays and mine is Friday.

 Sinterklaas at a lecture

 skating ring in  Leiden

Celebrating Sinterklaas at my place

I’m studying hard at the moment have 2 big test coming up on December 23 and January 6, it is going well. And after that I will get back to the snow to race! Great reward.

Since a week I’m doing my physical training at the university sport centre, to be more precisely at the so called ‘testosterone corner’ where all the boys hang out, pumping, that’s where the weights are that I use for my exercises. I was nervous getting in there for the first time, because they don’t like girls in the testosterone corner, I did my first squats one guy came to me and said you are strong for a girl and with that I was accepted in the testosterone corner ;) He actually had to take some weight off before he did his squats. And I picked up swimming once a week, it’s nice and a good way to recover and train core a little differently. Yes the university sport centre, I’m a fan. 

Gate 27….

Well where to start. Let’s just say it, I had two races in Landgraaf and I managed to get disqualified in both races in the second run for missing a gate, impressive, right?! Yes made the same mistake twice, didn’t learn, blabla…. And cried… twice…. It sucks.

We arrived in Landgraaf on Monday and trained slalom on Tuesday and Wednesday, I had good runs during these sessions and especially my last run on Wednesday, everything felt right (for the moment) so that was a good way to end my last training before race day.

After skiing we went cycling in the gym and did some core and stretching and off course we did our ski’s. It was fun hanging out with the other teams we even watched soccer the Netherlands against Germany sort of together with the Germans, but the Netherlands lost 3-0.  On Wednesday I put a lot of work in prepping my ski’s for the race and I was happy with the results, my ski’s where fast! After dinner I got my bib, 15 and I felt relax and ready to race.

After a good night of sleep I woke up excited but not nervous, I did the inspection and the first run looked pretty good. I skied the first run and it was a good run I was happy with my time, off course there were still things I could do better, but I was happy. My time was good, I sat in 6^th place 0,5 seconds behind number 5 and 2,5 seconds behind number 1 (the world champion!) my gap with number 7 was 2,5 seconds as well.

After the first run my mom arrived and a friend, it was great that they came to watch me! During inspection I noticed the turns in the second run where sharper. In the first run we didn’t use a start interval and started when the girl before had finished but because it was a big field and they wanted to speed things up they used a start interval for the second run, I didn’t know that. In the start the starter started to count down, but I saw the person in front of me still skiing, and I lost my focus…. Even so I skied the top part pretty good, I was attacking more than in the first run, this was a better run. Until I got pushed back, and in the backseat I got shot out of the slalom, damn. Getting pushed back is a big problem for me because my orthosis pulls me a bit to the back and I have weakness in my foot lifter muscles so I can’t pull myself back to the front that easy.

Well I finished my mom was there so I cried, like a little girl, which helped I got it all out and I knew what the problem was.

The rest of Thursday I spend just chilling and prepping my ski’s for the next race on Friday.

I remember I wrote on twitter, turns out 15 wasn’t my number. After dinner I got my bib, yeah 15… There was a little pink tea cup hanging on the wall in the kids corner and if I finished the next day, Sven, one of the trainers would give it to me as a reward, finishing would have been a big enough reward but I like the tea cup.

Next day, Friday I finished the first run but the disqualification of the day before got to me a little bit, so I held back… My time was still pretty good considering it is my first race, again sitting in 6^th place, only the gap to number 5 was a bit bigger (0,9 second) my gap to number 7 was (2,76 seconds) and the gap to number one was (2,9 seconds). Second run, inspection I had my doubts about the gate before last (27) I even walked back to see how the others did that gate, the rest of the run was fast. I skied and it felt good, I got rid of the feelings I had during the first run, I was almost in the finish, confident I skied right but when I was next to gate 27 I realized my mistake…. I cursed and got really mad with myself. I hadn’t tried to ski that gate because it didn’t look right at the time, the lines where straight to the finish, it wasn’t clear at all! So I missed the gate and got disqualified….. again. Just at that moment my dad arrived, too bad he didn't see me race.

me realizing my mistake....

As it turned out I wasn’t the only one who got disqualified at that gate, in total 8 out of the 11 athletes that got disqualified in the second run got disqualified at gate 27. My roommate Anna got disqualified at gate 27 as well, she also took the straight line and she called it a ‘Sven Kramertje’ after the Dutch speed skater who didn’t switch lanes in the 2010 Olympics, he got disqualified while he would have won gold if it hadn’t happen, I think it’s a good name for what happened.

To top that day off, I slipped while walking in my ski boots and I fell on my head, hard…. 

Later that afternoon we had a little photo shoot for profile pictures and a group picture, curious how those pictures turned out, posing all dizzy and with a bad headache.

We also had a ski session that afternoon but I felt a little foggy in my head so I went inside after a few runs. After a shower and 2 hours in bed I felt better so I went to dinner and the party that night. We had cheese fondue and fun with the Suisse team and 2 balloons. I didn’t stay long at the party my head couldn’t deal with the music, I hang out with a few of the Suisse guys in the hall for a while and went to bed early. I woke up disappointed and foggy in my head the next morning but I had a good time anyway. It’s too bad that I got disqualified in both races because I was skiing good and I would have qualified for the European cup, which is a goal, but I know it's a reachable goal now. Because I didn’t qualify for the European Cup my next races are in January and I have December at home, time to study. My head is getting better, I have a bit of a concussion that’s also why this blog is this late, but it’s a lot better and getting back to normal.

Hintertux November 8-14

Yesterday I got back from my second training camp in Hintertux. I’m in Snowworld Landgraaf now for the first races of the season on Thursday and Friday. I had another great camp in Hintertux one day got canceled due to heavy wind, T-bar was closed. We trained slalom for one day and GS for the other 4 days. Accept for one day we had amazing conditions, lots of sun and not too cold but a hard slope.

  

This camp we trained on the steeper slope, I was able to make progress and I learned a lot, my GS is getting better, which is good because I still have a lot of work to do in GS.

On the GS days we did a few runs of free skiing on super G ski’s, first time on the longboards. Well it’s all pretty new skiing on Super G ski’s with this leg but I’m getting used to them, and I like it.

A week flies by so fast and now I’m back in Landgraaf, we trained slalom today and my slalom did benefit a lot from last week’s training, just one more day of training before the races. All the other competitors are in Landgraaf already and it’s a good atmosphere, meeting a lot of new people from different countries, great. We have a pretty strong field with even a world champ in my category; women standing. 

Randomness

So I have been a bit sick lately my asthma played up pretty bad and I have been waiting for it to get better for 2 weeks now. I have always thought about my asthma as something I had and just had to take my meds for but not as an actual disease, never realized how sick it could make me, off course there had been episodes but not like this before. I got a prednisone course and another inhaler, I have 6 now but that’s ok because it works. Things are getting better and since yesterday I can breathe freely again, as long as I don’t get to active. So I have been on a rest regime which made me seriously bored, haha. I have done a few ski training’s and went for a very easy short bike ride on a low heart rate today. Skiing was good but the bike ride might have been a tad to soon because I got symptoms again, but it was such a great day sunny and cold, and that's where meds are for so I’m fine. And I have spend a lot of time with friends which is always nice.

I made a new video with some of the footage of my coach, there is GS on it as well, like I said I have a lot of work in GS…

Next weekend I have an event in Landgraaf, a ski marathon in which teams of 2 skiërs/boarders will try to ski the distance to Sochi 2646 km in 14 hours during the night, to raise money for the paralympic skiers on their way to Sochi. It will be a great event, looking forward to it. https://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=220212728035615

And 3 weeks later we have the season opening races in Landgraaf, Matthias Lanzinger who lost part of his leg after a Super G crash in 2008 will make his entrée in these races, so that will be pretty interesting. 
http://www.universalsports.com/news-blogs/article/newsid=562153.html#matthias+lanzinger+eyes+paralympics+after+amputation

http://sport.orf.at/stories/2085096/2085093/

Some Thoughts

I have thought a while about writing this, but hey it’s a blog which basically means it’s my public diary and I can write here whatever I think and want out there.

Every now and then people who know about my leg but don’t exactly know what’s wrong, which I can’t blame anyone for because it has been unclear for a while, come to me (or my parents) and they say things like I know this famous orthopedic surgeon, the best of the best, or why don’t you go to the US to fix your leg or why don’t you get a prosthetic knee. And I know it all comes from a good place, everyone whishes me the best, but I’m saying it once and (hopefully) for all; I DON’T NEED FIXING my life doesn’t suck I am completely happy and I have accepted my leg. I have seen more than enough (famous) orthopedic surgeons, I know I have tried it all, there is just nothing to fix. As long as doctor’s don’t know how to grow back muscles, there is nothing they can do, except for giving me an orthosis. A prosthetic knee won’t work because it still needs muscles to function, which I lack because they where to severely damaged. I’m sorry if I have offended anyone by writing this. It makes me sad when people have pity on me, because it isn’t necessary.

I have two great ortheses which give me the possibility to walk, jump, ski and run (sort of).  I have an amazing physical therapist who helped me master all those things. I can ride a bike, drive a car and can’t think of any important things I can’t do, yeah except for buying shoes which is a problem with my orthosis, but if that’s all!?

My life is good, I have amazing friends and family, I’m doing good in med school, which has been my dream since I was 6 years old and asked for an anatomy book for Christmas, and off course there is skiing....

@ a Disney themed birthday party of  one of my friends, great night.

People can always help me by suporting me to pursue my dream to become a Paralympic ski racer in every way possible and I still need funding for this season, every tiny bit helps.

On November 17 and 18 there is an IPCAS race in Snowworld Landgraaf, last year I wasn’t able to compete because I broke my ankle, but things are looking good for this year. It will be my second first race so I don’t exactly know what to expect, I have done a lot of training over summer and fall and there is still a lot to come so I’ll be ready, I guess ;-). For more information about the race follow this link: http://www.ipc-alpineskiing.org/export/sites/ipc_sports_alpine_skiing/Downloads/2010_11_IPCAS_NED_Invitation.pdf

Hintertux September 28 – October 5

I had a great training camp in Hintertux, we have had some amazing conditions with lots of sun. 

It was a giant slalom (GS) camp; 2 days of GS free skiing and 4 days of training in the gates.

This was the first time I actually trained GS since I started skiing again. And I have to learn a LOT feeling isn’t there yet but I’m sure it will come back. With slalom I sometimes have a ‘glimpse’ of what it used to feel like and I have had a lot more slalom training since I started skiing again. That said I did made progress took some good steps still about a million to go but hey it’s all about the process, I love to ski and I like to learn.

 line for the gondola in the morning when the doors open these kids start to run, seriously

We skied in the morning until the snow got to soft, usually around noon. In the afternoon we went cycling or did some balance training and one afternoon we just enjoyed the sun.

In the valley it was summer so I got a tan and not just on the lower half of my face.

The last afternoon after skiing we climbed from Lanersbach to Hintertux by bike, the spring of my one legged cycling system broke just before I left for this camp, so my left leg did it all alone it was hard but I was happy that I made it, I knew I could, just had to do it. The downhill was a cool reward after hard work. The week flew by so fast, I had a great time! Now I’m back to business as usual for a month, life is great.

Last weekend I had a race in Snowworld it was a national race and I raced with abled body racers, I also did some of those races in the spring of 2010. The race was ok my first run was good the second run not so much but overall my time improved I'm getting a lot closer to the other racers and I beat people, getting to the middle of the field. 

Made a new friend :)

New Boots

I got my new boots and they are great, a lot better then my old and broken boots. And I noticed it in my skiing, I feel I can turn much better and faster now.

And the best part, because I got foam boots I don’t have pain in my ankle while wearing my boots anymore. With big thanks to Menno Koelewijn from MK skiservice who also was creative enough to adjust the boot so it would fit perfect with my skiing orthosis.

Last week was our third and last pre season training camp in Landgraaf. I’m very happy with the way I skied those last 2 days I made progress and it felt awesome. Which I needed after I was skiing pretty bad last time.

It was a fun 2 day camp and the regular national team was in Landgraaf too, nice to hang out with them and see how they ski. I also train with some of them in physical training in Amsterdam.

Yesterday I went to Frank Jol to get my skiing orthosis ready for the season, it needed a new strap and the gas spring was worn out so that needed to be replaced too. I trained hard over summer, I lost some weight and my leg is thinner as well so my ortheses where getting to wide especially around my thigh, they filled the extra space of both my ortheses and now they fit again. Just when I wanted to leave I heard a big snap and felt unstable on my leg, I broke my orthosis, speaking of timing it was fixed right away and I was on my way 30 minutes later, great service!

Last week the fall semester started so I’m back in school, nice to see all my study friends again. The first course is introduction to clinical medicine after 2 year of gaining lots of knowledge we learn how to apply it now. And today I learned how to measure blood pressure, to be honest it wasn’t my first time, finally we start to learn how to do a physical, actually becoming a doctor ;-)

Next week I leave for Austria (Hintertux) for our first camp, there is a lot of fresh snow, so stoked. Just need to prep all my ski’s….

About fear to break another leg

This week I had another 2 day training camp in snowworld Landgraaf. I know I wrote last time that the snow conditions wheren’t great but this time it was worse, the snow conditions were actually pretty bad. There was still the dirty old ice but now with huge amounts of loose snow over it which off course didn’t stick, so it went from a hard slope into a very soft slope halfway.  Last time I broke my ski boot and since my new boots wheren’t in yet it got repaired, I was skiing on a unpredictable slope with a messed up boot. Saying it was because of the conditions isn’t my thing but in this case..... it made me feel unsafe which made me hold back. Yes the first training session I was skiing pretty bad, I was scared holding back and too late for every single gate. I was afraid to fall and brake another leg and my ankle was hurting because the messed up boot put too much pressure on the plate in my ankle. So things wheren’t going like they were supposed to, but it made me realize that it is in conditions like these where you can learn the most. Without a bad training every now and then you can’t have good training sessions. And as the coach told me it made me feel what I need to work on even better, because I still made the same mistakes as I normally do only worse, extreme.

We had another slalom session that night and it got better by then, I wasn’t scared to fall anymore. By the next day I sort of got over it and started to ski again, I was actually quite happy with my last 2 runs they felt good and fast. The coach made another video of this camp, my bad runs are on it as well, but like I said they are the best learning material.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eETQRX7c8rs

September 14 and 15 we go back to Landgraaf and I start training with my ski club next Tuesday. Monday I get new ski boots! With big thanks to Menno Koelewijn from MK ski service I get foam boots which will fit me better with my ski-orthosis and probably get my skiing to the next level, so excited! I have my old boots since 2004, I know they are ancient.

The plate in my ankle was pretty irritated because of the boot, but the surgeon told me it would get better with new boots. I’m still gonna try to leave it in for the season and have the surgery in the beginning of april. I had my one year check up with the surgeon yesterday and except for the plate irritation things are looking good. And he told me he was impressed with all the thing I do and can do with my leg, most patients wouldn’t even try he said. Well that was nice to hear but I think; The happiest people don’t necessarily have the best of everything but they make the most of everything.

Liege

Last weekend I went to Liege Belgium for an international para-cycling race.

We arrived Friday afternoon after a 2 hour drive, we had a good and clean hostel, for only 17,50 euro per night. Saturday was the time trial and I was pretty nervous, didn’t know what to expect, the time trial started 40 minutes late. My start was at 11.35 am, there was a 1 minute interval.

After 1,5 km I felt my leg, it was already full of lactate but I could also see the German girl that had started before me, it was a pretty long climb but I kept pedaling and I found a rhythm. After the long climb came a descent and some sharp turns, I couldn’t see the German girl anymore and before I knew it I was at 5 km.

The total distance was 7,8 km when I reached the finish my body felt empty I knew I had given all I had. Pretty soon I heard the unofficial result that I got a second place in  my class (C2) and a small gap with the winner. That was pretty exciting because I had never expect to do that well in this race. It was a beautiful sunny day with nice and warm weather and I liked it a lot. After the race we got back to our hostel tried to get some rest but ended up laughing ourselves to death making pictures like this.

The next day was Sunday, day of the road race. The coach came to me smiling saying Annika have you seen the results, you got a second place with a 15 second gap with the winner you can still win (results where combined). The first start was the C category meaning cycling on a regular bike. All the men and women of the 5 different classes started together.

Immediately I got the wheel of the German girl, she was fast but we stayed together most of the race, for about 36 minutes I was fine but after that it got harder and harder to keep up with her, during the climbs I lost her, but during the descent I got her wheel again, I was way better downhill and with the turns, no surprise with the skiing back ground.

One round before the last I had to let her go unfortunately, but I managed to keep my speed up. With a the last strength I had in me I made one last sprint for the finish. 

One of the trainers helped me off my bike and my leg was just too weak so I fell on the ground, I really gave it all. Everybody said I did great for a first race and I was happy to because I knew I was as fast as I could be at this point. The sun came out and the next group the tandems had their road race, those tandems are fast it looks so cool. A tandem has a pilot and a visually impaired racer on the back.

Last group where the handbikes and the tricycles it was warm and sunny again and I got a tan while watching everybody.

It was a great weekend good to get some races in after a ski season in which I had started just one race and got a DNF. I liked the races a lot and was happily surprised with my results. I had a talk with the coach and he said I did very good in the races and was pretty fast for a C2 with an average speed of 25,44 km/h in a hilly road race. I got a second place with a 90 second gap with the winner in the road race, the German girl who won is ranked 7th on the world ranking.

After the price giving ceremony, in which only the winners got a price,  we drove 2 hours home, tired but happy and an experience richer.

at our hostel

Back on snow

Last week I went to Snowworld Landgraaf for a 2 day training, the first on snow training of the 2011-2012 season. We went back to the basics with a lot of different drills mainly focused on technique. I think I’m skiing good for this stage in training and I notice the results of my physical training in my skiing as well. Snow conditions weren’t great, the  slope was icy and not in the good way, old snow and ice with lots of dirt in it, luckily I had already trained in this conditions with my ski club.

It was busy in Landgraaf with a lot other (national) ski teams, we even saw the Swiss WC team. Pretty cool to see them train, because of the snow conditions they switched ski’s every 20 minutes or so. It was a good 2 day training camp and I had fun with the rest of the team.

The coach made a video of some of the runs.

http://youtu.be/LkYSEXuP-E4

Today I had a good cycling training climbing really is getting easier. Which is good because the race in Liege is this weekend, I feel prepared as much as I can be since cycling isn’t my sport. And I walked the dog which sometimes feels more like this…

But he is old and so sweet, so I don’t mind. The cat on other hand is pure evil from time to time.

The good life

New video; Summer training 2011, has footage of me doing some jumping exercises, cycling and some older skiing footage.

I haven’t blogged in a while, sorry guys.

Everything is great, I finally have vacation so no more study stress for a while. Still training hard and getting lots of results, very happy with that. I’m moving boundaries and with every victory new goals appear. Two years ago I wished I could get my walking up to the level where I could walk the dog or go shopping without a wheelchair, now those goals are far behind me. It’s good to look back and cherish what I have accomplished already. Now I’m starting to do something you might call running, I know it looks totally weird, but I’m getting faster and way more agile.

Cycling is going good as well, I’m climbing some bigger hills now. I get lots of nice comments when I’m climbing our local big hill the Posbank. People think it’s hard core pedaling with one leg and say things like “you are awesome” and “that’s hard work”. I have to admit though it is as hard as it looks, I’m not at the level yet where climbing is anything near easy, but it’s getting easier and I’m getting faster.

 Today at the top of the Posbank

 last week

 top of the Posbank last week

Cycling at the Posbank last week

On snow training starts Tuesday at the indoor ski slope, snowworld Landgraaf, so stoked.

And I’m participating in an international para cycling race in Liège Belgium (August 20-21). I wasn’t planning on it but some people sort of persuade me. So we will see how that goes another fun adventure, a spontaneous plan, love it. 

My silly cat likes to join me when I walk the dog